Wednesday, April 1, 2015

And I choose you

I didn't believe in you..... I believed in the idea of you...... obviously ........ But not in you...... Every time something made my heart beat faster, every time I hit up futility, every time I felt hopeless, frustrated, defeated, I prayed to you...... But did I believe in you?

They said I could have died inside my mother..... But I lived....... I came out into the world screaming and healthy. They said my mother could have died because of her insides..... But she lived and came out a warrior... ..... I prayed everyday to you..... I prayed that my mother be given a fleeting chance.... I prayed that she have the strength to fight..... I prayed that I have the strength to fight..... I prayed that you protect my father and my beloved...... I prayed that we see light..... But did I still believe in you?

And now that my life hangs from this invisible cliff, now that I don't know if it's a tunnel I am crossing or the destination I am closing in on, now that I don't know if it's a disaster I averted or a disaster waiting to happen, I am giving in to you. I am replacing the crippling doubts with faith. I am replacing fear with hope, prayer with trust, tears with resolve. I am choosing to believe in you. I am choosing to believe that things happen for a reason. I am choosing to believe that if I didn't lose my way, I wouldn't have this new founded respect for life. I am choosing to believe that this time I didn't lose. And as illusive as victory may seem right now, I didn't lose because may be life isn't this huge long battle, which needs to be won. May be it is more about withstanding the storms if they come and when they come. Those who withstand the storms, survive. And I am choosing to believe that this time I withstood it and if there is another storm raging in the corner of the sky, I will dig my feet deeper into the sand and stay strong. I am choosing to believe that you will keep me strong. I am choosing to believe that in due time, the signs and directions will appear. I m choosing to leap and choosing to believe that the net will appear and even if it doesn't, you will grab me and I will come out unharmed. I am choosing you. 

2 comments:

  1. Would it be objectification if I single out your mind and your strength as the things I love about you? Well written and inspiring.

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  2. Awwww G! I guess it kind of is..... You have to love the whole of me like I love you...... Even though your heart of gold is what drew me to you.....

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